Deapths of a Heart
by yumi-2121331
Summary: collection of poetry
1. Storm

Storm

Cold is a comforting presence

Wrapping itself around me like a cool blanket

Never ending, never moving gray clouds are liars

Telling you some things don't change

The wind tells the truth

Whistling how the clouds are lieing

And moving everything it can, trying to prove its point

The rain is helpful

Hiding my tears

And the fast pitter patter the rain creates is helpful too

Covering the sounds of my sobbing

If anyone saw me they wouldn't know

I am hiding my tears in the open

Letting anyone who looks closely see them

Because no one looks closely

The only one that's looking at me

Is the storm

The storm that's trying to help me

Is the only friend I have right now


	2. The Pencil

**So I wrote this about me and the pencil on my desk(dresser) yeah. I almost did the box of cookies but decided against it. The pencil was less… food obsessed. Though I really REALLY love Thin Mints! ENJOY!**

* * *

_**The Pencil**_

A pencil sits on her desk

Yet her hands are at the keys

Choosing to type of write

It is all the same

No matter what you say

The difference so little

They rarely come to mind

But that pencil is sharp

Not dulled

So you must wonder

Why she keeps the sharpened utensil

If her hands love they keys?

But the keys are for writing

The pencil is there

Not to write

The pencil will sit

An almost brand new

A sharpened

Plain old

Number two

Pencil

Till the day she picks it up

Till the day she decides

That she will try again

To draw a simple

Picture

* * *

**Yep me and my pencil. I also have a pen that I just noticed right now! It's a shiny silver pen. Whatever! POP QUIZE! What do you do with the little green button on the bottom of this page? CORRECT! YOU PUSH IT!**


	3. Anonoymous

**WARNING: MIGHT BE A LITTLE DEPRESSING!**

* * *

_**Anonymous**_

Anger and anguish

Pain and suffering

A blank in the mind

A hopeless feeling

A twist in the stomach

A frown set on lips

Every breath is even

Anger and anguish

Pain and suffering

* * *

**No need to complain of it being depressing. It's not that bad… I guess I've written worse…**


	4. Flying High

THANKS FOR THE REVEWIES! It's a bit late to be saying this but ha ha I'm not good with working fan fiction… but still thankyou—

**Alexis Diamond**

**The books wisdom**

**CheezeIsMyName**

**The reviews really means a lot to me!**

_**Flying High**_

Flying high in the sky

I'm lost in a kingdom of clouds

As the wind yells at me to turn around

And thunder adds "To the ground!"

I don't listen

'Cause I don't care

Let them yell

Let them scream

What should I care?

If they don't wanna share

Let them be greedy

Let them be mean

I'll just barge in

You can't kick me out

You can't ground me

My mind is gone

And maybe I am too

I can't tell

And I can't say that I care

I'm in the sky

Flying high

And the rest of you

Are out of my mind

* * *

**Randomly thought up. I seem to have taking a liking to storms and skies… especially when it's cloudy! Like now! But it's not raining… I love the rain.**

**REVIEW PLEASE IT MAKES AUTHOR JUMP FOR JOY!**


	5. Five Poems

**So this has FIVE poems cause I wrote a lot and don't feel like updating numerous times. As always the title is about the poem so no problem with which is which…**

* * *

_**Come Back**_

I wonder when you left

I wonder where you're going

If you're coming back

I want you to know

That I won't throw you away

I'll cherish your presence

So please come home

Please come to me

_**Down**_

I am falling down

Like the rain outside

I am crashing down

Like the waves of the ocean

I am going down

Like a beaten soul

I am diving down

Like a Dolphin

I am flying down

Like a thrown pair of shoes

I am soaring down

Like a majestic Eagle

I am floating down

Like Alice in the rabbit hole

I am smiling down

Not knowing where I'm going

Just enjoying the ride

Life has given me

_**She**_

All alone she sits

Lost not in thought

But the feeling of gloom

As people pass by

Ignoring her existence

Maybe her existence will linger

Maybe they'll notice when she's not there

But for now she is condemned

By her own horrid thoughts

And by her place in life

Given without a thought

Her façade gives nothing away

As she thinks she'll die today

_**Hate**_

They hate me for no reason

I really don't know why

Sarcasm as hello

Sarcasm as good-bye

I want to be left along

The jerks don't even know me!

So they're judging me on what?

What is it that they hate?

Maybe it's just me

And my loser crap place in school

All the preps are jerks

So maybe I shouldn't complain

That I am hated

I have true friends

Therefore

I have more than them

* * *

**So the fourth one might not be as good cause I took a few minutes at lunch to write that. And I spent the end of my Area and the end of my S.S class to write the last one. I've started a note book so I won't loose the poems… sadly I'm getting mentally attached to it… I wonder how many people I know read this… R&R!**


	6. His House

**THIS IS NOT BASED ON A PERSON! That would be REALLY sad… unfortunately I'm sure it's true for someone…**

_**

* * *

**_

_**His House**_

He is sitting in the kitchen

When he should be in his room

His mother will be home soon

In a bad mood

He wants to know what will happen

When his mom walks through

If she'll even notice

Or pass right on through

The door is flung open

And his mother walks in

As she walks by he knows

She doesn't care

And he flees to his room

So when his dad comes

He does not get a fist in the face

For a "welcome home" response

* * *

**You know you want to leave a review even if it's depressing!**


	7. Woods

**Kinda a mixture of my mind and what I've seen. It's based on a real place but kinda made up too…**

* * *

_**Woods**_

The rain is cold

Calming me down

The familiar sound is all around

The trees surround me

Their fallen leaves bellow my feet

I sit on a log

Taking it all in

I've been here before

But never in this weather

It's kind of dark

More or less dim

This is my heaven

Even if I'm not dead

* * *

**I figured this was good and I needed something happy to write about… I think I wrote this in S.S but I'm not sure…**


	8. Cut

**I should start giving depressing warnings… DEPRESSING!!!!!!! Not based on something true par say… just what I've heard, know, and made up in my head….**

* * *

_**Cut**_

A crimson red

Down my arm

A pain to focus on

The knife in my hand

Has a ruby tip

It's mine to keep

My mom doesn't know I exist

Let alone care

My dad likes to beat

But is to drunk to remember

I know it's wrong

I know I shouldn't

But I don't want to think

And no ones here

I wish someone were

I wish they'd stop me

Show that they care

I don't need a consoler

I need a friend

To stop the blood

And cleans the knife

And let's me call

Whenever I need

The knife goes to deep

And cuts a vein

But no ones here

No one cares

* * *

**I'm starting to worry about how I can write this… it can't be normal for someone with a perfectly fine family to write this… review! **


	9. Her Suicide

**I GOT RIBBONS!!!!!!!!!!! For my hair! I have light blue, black, red, and dark purple! I'm so happy… ****though the happiness doesn't go with the poem… R&R?**

* * *

_**Her Suicide**_

I close my eyes

And sink to the ground

My hands are trembling

My blood runs cold

All I can think is

"No! No! No!"

She can't be gone

She couldn't have failed

My mind will deny

But my heart knows truth

The slit in her throat

The knife in her hand

Is all I need to know

She failed to get away

From the fate she'd given

Choosing death over life

Leaving me here

* * *

**I'm so glad none of this is true… my next one isn't so depressing…**


	10. Damage

**All my technologyical (I created my own word!) stuff keeps freaking out on me! My mp3 player froze then unfroze and repeated the process! Usually it just freezes… though that's easily fixed! You just press the reset button! Then turn it on… it rebuilds itself… my computer was going slowly but it seems better now… **_**THIS HAS A HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_

* * *

_**Damage**_

My heart is pounding

My mind is racing

You're just staring

My head turned down

One arm dangles

Your eyes are at my hand

One hand gripping my lower arm

Too bad there's no excuse

I can't feed you lies

It's evident what I've been doing

The proof runs down my arm

Dripping to the ground

A secret relief fills me

As you pull me into a hug

You'll help me

I'm sure

Getting better

Isn't as hard

As I thought

* * *

**SEE HAPPY!!!!!! My friend liked the hug part (you know who you are) now I'm going outside to walk in the pouring rain… why? Cause I like the rain! R&R PLEASE!**


	11. Inside

**I have rediscovered the fact that 20 questions takes up a lot of time… bus rides are boring.  
**

* * *

_**Inside**_

I am lost and confused

Unsure of who I am

What I'm doing

When I look

I find

Scars

Scabs that when pulled

Bleed all over again

Open wounds long ignored

Infected with time

Pain I numbed

Defrosts behind my eyes

New stress is building

My eyes wish to close

But I'm afraid of that unknown dark

Crystal sky's hold no hope

As the ground may be my destination

My flame has been deprived of oxygen

Since when I'm not sure

Feelings are beaten

By cold hard stress

When I should talk

My mouth won't open

Once I stop clinging

To that hope I know is false

I'll fall

And hope my feet hit solid ground

* * *

**I'm too tired to think strait………………………………………………….. This isn't suicide, cutting, or murder something semi new…**


	12. Biggest Fear

**Who loves cheese popcorn? It makes a great snack and an even better breakfast… NOT WRITTEN ABOUT ME OR ANYONE IN PARTICULAR!**

* * *

_**Biggest Fear**_

My biggest fear

Consumes my life

Because I cannot escape it

Some would think it stupid

Unless I told them why

How it came about

It's none of their business though

They don't even know I fear it

No one would guess it

No one even try's

I wonder if they knew

Would they stop to look

To try to see me as human

Instead of backing away

Driving my fear

Feeding it unknowingly

Like a prowling animal

Near left out trash

All the trash you through at me

Lands in its mouth

Gives it a place to reside

You nurture it coldly

With words of hate

Even if you stop

It's to late now

The fear is there

With memories to feed it

The stupid thing won't go

And all the problems that tag along will stay

The fear is unavoidable

And to give a better reason

As of to why I can't

Is simple four words

The fear of rejection

* * *

**That would be tough to deal with… R&R!!!!!!!!! PLEASE WITH CANDY ON TOP? **


	13. Denial

**This one let's your mind make some assumptions… it's not that bad being that I need to present this in school…**

* * *

_**Denial**_

Standing still

All alone

I reflect upon a short past

Too confused to remember

How to move my feet

I have yet to open my eyes

And view the truth around me

Should I try to listen

I hear thundering silence

Unbroken by sound or voice

Let me deny a little longer

I'll let them die in my mind

When I'm ready to face the fact

That they have sprouted wings

And are never coming back

They will never emerge

From their newly dug home

Physically gone forever

Yet their essence lives on

To never fade from my heart

* * *

**It might be a bit short… I'll have to ask if I can present this… I hope I can… I really like this one…**


	14. PISSED

Have you ever been so PISSED OFF that you just NEEDED TO POST IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? THAT'S ME RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I DON'T SWEAR OFTEN!!!!!!!!!! DAMN MY WHOLE FUCKING GRADE OF FUCKING BITCHES!!!!!!!!!! I SWEAR ALMOST ALL 72 (excluding my friends) ARE ALL DAMN BITCHES WHO SHOULD GO TO HELL AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!! True poem…

* * *

_**PISSED**_

I am pissed as hell

Or even more

I don't need that shit

Anymore

Since second grade

I've got the shit

From one or more bitches

First I'd cry

Now I'm done

And pissed off at them

I'm hated

I know

Why

I don't

They're lucky as hell

I abide by the rules

Otherwise they'd have

At least one bruise

But what to excpect

From a damn Prep

If only the bitches

Would leave me alone

Else I fear for my mind

If only they wouldn't bitch to me

And fill the plate of shit

Cause it's over flowing

And my mind is going

* * *

That felt nice… now I just have to hope no one but my friends know who I am… not that I really care… they hate me anyways… I don't know if I should cry, punch a wall, or scream bloody murder… the third and first sound really good right now…


	15. Numb

**I'm thinking of getting a deviant art account… I'll get more feedback… still thinking about it though… I'll get one just not TODAY like tomorrow if we aren't doing anything…**

* * *

_**Numb**_

I can't tell if I'm moving

My voice has stopped

Frozen inside

People are passing me by

Believing the false movement

Can't anyone read my eyes?

Or do they too deceive

I can hear you speak

Talk of me

Some or normal rumors

I try to ignore the lack of feeling

Does my face tell you

What I don't know?

Do you all know

How I feel

When I

The supposed bearer of this feeling

Do not

It scares me

I know this

But I do not feel it

Physically

Moving

Emotionally

Numb

* * *

**R&R?**


	16. Moment of Bliss

**I love Three Days Grace! ****Cute smiley face! I am so hyper today I can't stay on one subject but I wrote this yesterday so it should be good! ****So cute!!!!!**

* * *

_**Moment of Bliss**_

A moment of bliss

In the whirl of chaos

When you forget the sound

And focus on the moment

The people around you

Are not important enough

To linger in your mind

The sounds you endured

Are dulled and barley there

This moment when taken

Is stored in your mind

Because it is so rare

And may never happen again

You'll cling to the memory

Like the lover you won't lose

* * *

**I'm a whole lot happier on vacations then at school… **


	17. To All Those Who Hurt Me

**Something I needed to right. Italics are sarcastic**

_**

* * *

**_

_**To All Who Hurt Me**_

You feel sorrow

For the poor

For the hungry

You think it's wrong

When people pick on others

And drive them to death

Yet it's ok

To pick on me

Use sarcasm towards me for

'Hello's and 'good bye's

Talk about me behind my back

The person you don't know

Is not ok to hurt

But you think you know me

Think it's ok to hurt me

But it's your fault

I can't smile when my friends aren't near

Your fault

I don't talk much

Because of you

I've shut down

**I** act ok  
and so did the others before me

But I'm not dead

So it doesn't matter

_Right_?

You'll go through your days

Happy and ignorant

And as long as I am alive

Give a fake smile

I am '_ok_"

But if I did die

It wouldn't be your fault

What did _you do_ wrong?

"Copy cat!"

"_Hello!"_

"_Good-Bye!"_

"Whore"

"Ho"

Mhm

Nothing at all

* * *

**The end lines in "" are things people have said to me and the italics are sarcastic**


	18. Thank You

**I wrote this for our veterans/marmoreal day celebration! It's really cheesy.**

* * *

_**Thank You**_

A simple 'thanks' will not do

Justice to all of you

You've sacrificed

Most of your life

For many you don't know

You've risked

So much

More than most can comprehend

I have missed so much

That I could thank you for

With words unjust to describe it

The thanks you deserve

Is beyond words

It cannot be said

So instead I'll say

Thank you

And leave you to know

I tried and failed

To put to words

What I truly wish to say

So please understand

Two words do no justice

To what you deserve

In the end all I can say

Hold more emotion than word

Thank you

* * *

**R&R!**


	19. You Have

**Another veterans poem…**

* * *

_**You Have**_

You have seen things

That shows in your eyes

Unimaginable grieves

Unseen by the common eye

You have held a weapon

In your hands

Held the chose

To kill off a life

You have heard others

Cry in despair

May they be friend or foe

You have heard the sounds

Of life and death

Heard voices of those you don't know

Yell like the ones you do

You have fought for your country

Fought for your life

You have earned much respect

Earned much grief

You have done the unimaginable

For your country and home

You have done too much

The list could go on

You have done it all

For red, white, and blue

* * *

**R&R! IT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY!**


	20. I Want

_**READ**_**:**

_**THIS**__**POEM IS BASED OFF OF**_**ARIEL ****BY SARA BOOTH**_**!**_

* * *

**I Want**

Please don't let me get trapped

In an old show

Where everything is either black or white

Main character or extra

45% clothes 50% money

Paper plates

I want to live bright, sparkles, shine

Velvet and canvas

The woods at night

The evening's sunset

Don't let me live at the base of the tree

With my eyes on the roots

Or the people around me

I want to climb

Dance

Run

Like a dove

Let me frame the oceans

And hang it in my room

Let me keep the forest

In a box on my desk

* * *

**My teacher gave me a smiley face on this… and my high schools open house is tonight at 5! I'M ALMOST OFF TO HIGHSCHOOL!**


	21. Alone

**So I wrote this at lunch because I had inspiration, I needed a break from Mysteries Revealed(BS I know), and I needed something to do.  
**

* * *

_**Alone**_

I don't belong

Where I am

At this table

With them

We have nothing in common

So it's hard to talk

We are not alike

So I can't act myself

I miss my best friends

But will not complain

I wish to be alone

But see no escape

My mind is clouded

By what I wish to do

I look around

At the rest

And wish to be

Gone

* * *

**The ending is a bit rushed because lunch ended and I knew that I wouldn't work on it later besides typing it.**


	22. Deaf Ears

_**Deaf Ears**_

It hurts to know you don't listen

Even more when I try to make you

Repeating everything over

Now makes me cry

Have you ever listened?

Or has it all been a lie?

I wish I could go back

To not caring if you heard

I wish I could go back

And change my love of talk

So that I wouldn't care

If you knew my day was good or bad

I wish you would sincerely try

To hear at least one word

But I know you won't

I've tried to make you before

I want to be close

But I feel I should withdraw

To avoid disappointment

I know is to come


	23. Secret Place

**So I'm not sure what happened with this… it's sorta depressing but also really pretty at the same time…  
**

* * *

_**Secret Place**_

If only you could see this now

You loved it so much more

When the trees were in bloom

And the flowers swayed

But you would've loved this best

As the trees are in bloom

And the flowers sway

Golden light filters through

The colors are vibrant

Raindrops sparkle

The horizon peeks through

Showing vivid reds

You would have a big smile

And twirl through the flowers

Laughter following every move

You would brighten this place

With your radiance of joy

And I can picture it all

As if it were in front of me

But I let it fade

As I open my eyes

I love this place too

The way it made you happy

And was a light in the dark

But you let it fade

And now you're gone

With someone else

You forgot about this

And I don't know how

As I look at it now

It looks so much better

Now that you're gone

Not weighing me down

Maybe I should miss you more

But I love this place

With the all the colors

Blooming trees

Diverse flowers

Golden light

Sparkling raindrops

Vibrant red sunset

* * *

**I'm not sure what the original point was…. I'm positive this is in the perspective of a guy, I thought at first the person he was talking about died like a brother or sister maybe but then it turned into like a girlfriend that dumped him and somehow a garden came into this and yes this WAS MY idea I DID write this all….. but this is how I write most poems, you stick words on paper(or in this case I typed it write on my computer) and maybe you might change a few things but not much if you change too much than its obviously you don't like it and you can throw away/delete. For having no thought in any of my poems they're not that bad….. the ones I think about get really crappy….. it's best if I don't think a lot….**


	24. Down

**So I'm stuck with word pad right now so I do have some of my story written but I'm not going to update until I get Microsoft Word back and my beloved Spell Check... I miss it so much So I've decided to update this! YAY! I gave it a random name that really doesn't have much to do wiht anything...  
**

* * *

_**Down**_

Down on the ground

I feel the cool

And the heat

I taste some dirt

And some blood

I hear screaming

And roaring

I smell fresh air

And smokey air

I see a rush of legs

And flickers of orange

I long forgot why I was here

Or where I was going

It doesn't matter though

I was long gone

By the time they got here

I was going up

By the time they lifted me

* * *

**Sooooooooo... I don't know where this came from... It's pretty obviouse what was going on and how it ended... Now a little excerpt from my story that I'm writing! You'll never be able to guess what happened before and for this excerpt there is only OC's for the moment... but anyways just in case- I don't own Bleach... even if you only read about OC's... This is from the prolouge and the main character Toshiro has only had his name mentioned once and not even in this excerpt... hee hee-**

_**The already panting man took a step back, intent on running away but he never got more than that one step.**_

**Yeah so this might or might not be filler... I need to write more before I know so anyways... This was short but interesting... and now you (Em) are going to be upset at me for not POSTING anything till I get MY MICROSOFT WORD! Which could be a LONG while... hee hee...**


	25. Do You Care?

**Not happy right now. I think not being able to go anywhere beside my road is driving me mad. I want to kill my sister she's driving me mad. The other sister is worthy of being called a moron but maybe I'm just annoyed. Lovely how in less the two weeks I'm going to be in sitting in the middle of Annoying and Moron on a car ride to Maine. Joy. That was said with immense sarcasm.  
**

* * *

_**Do You Care?**_

Did you ever care?

When I tripped and fell

Down the stairs

Did you ever care?

You weren't there

I got pushed around by your friends

I have the bruises to prove it

You weren't there to say

Stop

Would you have said it?

Would you have told them off?

Or would you walk by?

Without even blinking an eye

When were you there?

When I was hurt

I was dieing

You weren't there

Where were you?

Where are you?

You're still not here

I'm still dieing

Would care?

If you walked in and saw me

Laying here on the bed

Eyes looking towards the ceiling

Glassy and dead

Tears long dried

What would you do?

What do you care?

You're not here

Not now

Not ever

I would say you died

If I did not see you

See you in town

Physically pushing people

To get through the crowd

While I lag behind

Not enough push to get through the sea

Not like you

The sea is for you

The sky is for me

* * *

**As I said, I'm not happy. This was the scenario that came to my head while thinking about this mood. If I thought about my mood when I was happy maybe I could write a happy poem. It's too bad that when I'm happy I can't sit still nor can I keep a train of thought long enough to actually write a poem. This is why I have depressing poetry. Whoop di do. That was also said with immense sarcasm. Hope you have a nice day. Or night depending on whenever you read this. So maybe I should say have a good day/ have a nice night. Maybe I should try have sweet dreams but coming from someone you might not know would be a little creepy… I feel better! ****WOOO! GO HU! Don't ask where Hollywood Undead comes into this… obsession of the moment. **


	26. Morbid

**Short little thing I wrote in hairdressing, remind me to NEVER EVER NOT IN A BIGILION YEARS TAKE THAT SHOP IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!**

* * *

_**Morbid**_

My way

Of showing

Rare understanding

Bout what's going on

In the world on a

Day to day basis

* * *

**R&R**


	27. Empty Heart

**I started this in study hall today, worked on it in English then finished it up at home. Ah, that's a long time to work on it yet not that long cause I didn't have much time…. I love study hall when you HAVE homework but when you don't… its worthless…. **

* * *

_**Empty Heart**_

There is a blank in my heart  
An empty space  
That I long ago closed off  
I can feel it there

Nothing resides  
In this closed off room  
Emptier than air  
With no place to sit  
There are not walls  
Ceiling or floor  
A blank floating in color

Such a flimsy existence  
Of nothing but blank  
Touch it with thought  
And it spreads and consumes  
Covering color  
Removing it fully  
Spreading out  
Like water of air

Its existence is buried  
Deep within  
Ignored, untouched  
Confined to one place  
Dormant until let loose

No thought or feeling penetrates it  
They vanish at the lightest touch  
Covered at first  
Then gone  
To be renewed when the blank goes back  
Back to its place of rest

How do you fill it?  
So it's another color  
That mixes with others  
So I can let it loose  
Or hold it close

What is it?  
I want to know  
What's supposed to be there?  
That's missing  
Causing a ravaging emptiness

* * *

**Yep. I wrote it aligned left instead of centered. Dunno why. And yeah I know, this is kinda over the place and contradicting. Do I care? Nope. It's supposed to be like that. I am describing something. **


	28. Blame

**I am pissed off.**

**

* * *

**

_**Blame**_

It's annoying  
The way you don't shut up  
About everything violent that no one wants to know  
It's terrifying to listen to you  
While your swinging a dangerous object around  
Not a care if someone get hurts  
I hate it when you are sexist  
Saying every woman is like you damned mother  
She might be bad and judgmental  
And your sister might be annoying and a bitch  
But that doesn't mean I am too  
Nor my friends  
I hate you for making fun of my friends and I  
And everyone else too  
Then when the teacher calls you out on it  
No matter how little they say  
You cry in a way that acts like you don't want to be seen  
But at the same time I don't think that's the point  
Don't you know when everyone says shut up  
We wish you'd just listen for once  
So I blame you

I wish she wouldn't tell me  
When all of them start talking about me  
I don't want to know anymore  
But at the same time I do  
I'm gone  
That's what I thought  
But no  
They still talk about me  
My friends and I  
But I'm not there  
I left  
So I whish they'd fuck off about me  
Get over their hate  
I'm gone  
Can't they make new friends?  
And leave mine alone  
I'd tell them to lay off  
But I'm not there  
And I can't say I feel sorry for that  
No mater what they say  
I left because of them  
So I blame themz


	29. Me

**Songs:  
****Breathe Into Me (Acoustics) - Red  
****Life Is Beautiful- Sixx AM**

**If this matches your mood I suggest you listen.**

* * *

_**Me**_

_Life sucks then you die_

Don't choose me  
Don't ignore them  
Don't make me your favorite  
Don't kill me slowly  
Don't make me cry  
Don't make me confused  
Don't hug me  
Don't touch me

What did I do?  
I'm so confused  
Where is forwards?  
When everything's a circle  
Nothing is strait  
I can't walk a path  
That I can't see

Where is hope?  
When I want to believe?  
Where are You?  
When I finally need something to believe?  
Where is the feeling?  
When I finally understand why?  
Where is that fear?  
When it should be?  
Where is my light?  
When the path I walk is finally black?

I want something  
I feel myself grabbing the air  
In the space of my mind  
But it's not there  
I want to hold it  
Keep it close  
Keep it safe  
But it's not there  
Not in my meager reach  
So where do I stand?

_Falling  
__Without a breeze  
__In a black  
__That means to kill  
__With slow suffocation_


	30. Perfect Moment

**Ok, trying to kick start my writing (not poetry but writing; yes I know. TRYING. My mind still isn't with me though) don't ask how the poem goes with this. Somewhere between thinking of writing this poem and being there and ACTUALLY writing it, I decided I should ATTEMPT to kick start my writing.**

**This poem was written HOURS after I though of it so it's not how I want it (at all) yeah…...**

* * *

_**Perfect Moment**_

Dwell upon a memory  
Of a scene in time  
Where you felt a serenity  
Unmatched by a recent time

Let the memory fill your senses  
And bring you back  
To that perfect place  
So you can feel again  
What you felt there

Oh, if I could remember exactly  
The feeling of it all  
And hold it in mind  
Completely how it was in that precise moment  
So I could thoroughly describe it  
What I felt around me

The air around me  
Cool and hushed  
Barley shifting the leaves  
Yet tousling my hair

The colors of yellow and gold  
Surrounding me  
Dulling the light  
But giving it no tint

The sound rushing water  
Like a background noise  
To a peaceful silence  
While watching the river bed  
Through crystal clear waters  
Not a pollutant in sight

The earth is moving  
And I'm just moving my feet  
So I don't trip  
Such a natural movement  
A fast pace I can keep up with

A replenishing lightness  
Like a feather on wind  
As if I could float away  
What's holding me to the ground?  
I could fall  
But never land

Holding the thought  
Close to your heart  
Can you describe how you want?  
The moment

Was it so peaceful?  
That you thought  
Death itself gave you the sweetest kiss  
That you never wanted to end  
Even when your breath ceased

* * *

**It's not how I wanted it to turn out. I didn't have my notebook with me, or anything to write with. . I should just carry it around with me.**


	31. Lock

**Wow, I wrote this a while back in…. oh yeah, the study hall I have on Thursdays! Or is it Fridays? Not Wednesdays and I don't have any one Mondays…. Cant be Tuesday I have two on that day…. bleh. Anyways, I think it was then. **

**

* * *

**

_**Lock**_

In my hands  
I hold a lock  
Covered in rust and blood  
It does not shine  
But glisten red  
In the light of present

No one sees  
What my hands hold  
But the illusion I show the world  
Filled with sparkles and shine  
And golden light  
Covering the lock from sight  
Hiding the blood and rust

If someone saw this very lock  
Clutched in my hands  
Would they make a face  
And turn away  
And go back to my illusion?

Is there a person  
Who'd stand close by  
Rust and blood?  
Take some time  
To wash it off  
And restore what was once  
And stand there for me  
As more blood seeps  
Through once growing cracks

Is there someone with such patience  
That they'll stay  
Until the day  
I had them the lock  
And let them find the key?

Or will I forever hold  
This lock in my tiring hands?  
Until the day the lock is gone  
Rusted and bloody and cracked  
Slowly breaking into pieces  
Until all is gone  
From what was once behind the lock's walls

* * *

**Yep, another one of my faves…**


	32. Bloody Heart

**THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER ATTEMPT TO DO RHYMES! This was written in my 1****st**** study hall today and I wrote another (rather crappy one) in my 2****nd**** study hall today. The 2****nd**** one is just not going to be posted. It's pointless and rather crappy as stated in ().**

**Enjoy the last time I'll ever rhyme.**

* * *

_**Bloody Heart**_

Held so dear  
By jabs and jeers

Stolen hope  
That cannot cope

Fading wisdom  
Of a broken kingdom

Clouds of fear  
Causing wear

Falling light  
As black as night

Hidden sickness  
Feeling weakness

Watching flames  
Mocking strains

Feigning joy  
As if a toy

Blacked out feelings  
And such dreamings

Bearing scars  
That shalln't go far

Where's the flight?  
In the plight

Hear the call  
Of a bloody hearts fall

* * *

**I LIKE THE LAST TWO LINES! Don't you?**


	33. Chapter 33

**I really could curl up in a ditch and die (probably deserve it too) and no, I didn't give this a title. It'll never have one (if things happen how I think they will) (what do you call it when you have the phobia of people hating you?)**

Worse than Hell

Is when you're in waiting

For God to decide where you will go

For maybe He knows

Your own mind will torture you more

Than any Devil's contraption


	34. Windows

Not about me in any way shape manor or form.

* * *

_**Windows**_

I watch through the window  
From the inside out  
As people pass by  
With no glance to the side

And I watch through the winter  
As frost spreads beyond the pane  
And the outside is just a discolored blur

The light is there  
In this winter  
I watch it through the frosted glass  
But the light is so dull  
Not fully passing through the frost

Now winter is leaving  
And the snow is melting  
But the window is still covered  
Beyond the pane in frost

My window has a crack  
It's long and down the middle  
Jagged and erratic

Someone came by  
And saw my window  
And tried to fix the crack  
As I watched from inside  
The frosted window  
As the crack slowly receded

That someone has a name  
And now I know it  
And they stare from outside  
That thin layer of frost  
But only they can see

I let them in and they gave their hand  
So I took it and they stood  
And I followed the distance  
Out through the window  
No longer frosted over from winter

So out of my window  
I now see  
A whole world filled with people like me  
So I pass them a smile  
As I walk down the hall  
And wonder what winter was like for them  
Then decide I don't want to  
Because it's none of my business  
And they can tell that somebody who stared

* * *

**Yay, I haven't written a poem in a while!**


	35. Breakup Pain

**I've never had a boyfriend so I wouldn't know…..**

* * *

_**Breakup Pain**_

Stop talking your shit  
And just shut up  
I'm tired of hearing  
Your same old pleadings

Pick up your crap  
And pack it away  
I'm tired of solving your problems

Don't say we'll start over  
That's not how it works  
You have your piece of me  
That's why you must leave  
Because I don't want it back

Saying your sorry?  
I'm deaf I can't hear you  
I'm blind I can't see you  
I'm numb yet I can still feel you

I can't pay attention  
I've my own thoughts to deal with  
Where's the pain coming from?  
Would you like to answer?  
You can help I know

Where were you trying to stab?  
I can tell you where you hit  
It went in my heart  
Got stuck in my head  
Runs through my veins  
And fuels my confusion of my mixing emotions


	36. Writers Block

**This is beyond frustrating T.T**

* * *

_**Writers Block**_

A frustration in my head

So immense I can feel it

Like a physical block at the front of my mind

Keeping all thoughts and ideas behind imaginary walls

And I can steal a couple ideas

But none are what I need

And I try to write it out

With those little thoughts and ideas

But you'd be surprised

How strong imaginary walls are

So I wrote up three poems

And deleted them all in one go

So then I started typing again

Telling myself

'This will be the one!'

And started writing about the present

But I can't say it did anything

I'm still having this frustrating block


	37. By Now

**I'd post on my deviantart but my sister has me on her watchers list

* * *

**

_**By Now**_

By now you can see

Almost every girl you know

No matter whom they may be

Have had at least one boyfriend

If not more

Yet you've received zilch of even a glance

Not one sign of hope

So by now you're disheartened

And won't take anyone's word

For how can it be true?

By now your cynical


End file.
